well...

I was going back to xanga but i think i figured this thang out...stupid blogspace.

Anyway. Let's talk about relationships (myyy favorite topic)...specifically..trust

As an individual I pride myself on being a realist in most situations (unless youre talking about the long distance relationship that Jay-Z and I have). I tend to cut out all the bull shit and get to the nitty gritty of the situation. Some say I have tendencies of a man, but everynow and then my arch enemy kicks in. You know that unstable creature side sometimes referred to as a 'Woman' or 'girl'. You know her, the one that takes the something so nothing and turns it into a big something. Or the one when her man tell her how he saw a woman getting robbed and he saved her and her cat and all she gets out of it is 'you looked at a woman'.....yeah her. Well....(getting on the therapist chair) I had a similar situation happen to me last night. (don't worry im getting to the trust part).
Cliff notes: You say you are going to call me back. ok. 7, 8, 9, no call. hmm. strange. I call. no answer. ok. maybe sleep.maybe cant hear the phone i call again. two call maximum. leave message. cool. 10, 11. no call. mind starts wondering. goes into automatic. there are many options. death not one of them. BUT fucking is among them. top 10. top 5. top 1. ok. calm down Cherise. (realist)you dont know what he's doing. (demon) you right you DONT know what he's doing. (realist) He's probably sleep. (demon) yeah sleeping with another BITCH. (realist) probably cant hear his phone (demon) yeah cause when you knocking somebodys head against the headboard people tend not to hear anything else. confused. shit.the demon has a point. THE END.
Now in June I wouldn't have thought this but now its a different story. THIS is where I have a problem with the demon. This morning come to find out some 'family stuff' was going down...'somebody died'. (the demon put it in quotes). Oh ok...I understand. Im so sorry to hear that. Is what should have happen....but that damn demon couldnt let it go.

Needless to say im still working through it as we type. Although you say I forgive you and 'let's move on' Do you really? There's always images of your S.O. naked stroking some other person, participating in an act that you thought was only reserved for you and them. Imaging them kissing that person passionately, looking them in their eyes, caressing them, laying there naked cuddling somebody else, while your holding it down for them cause you were convinced that this relationship was special for so many reasons. At what point do you trust again? cause the realist side of me says every relationship has problems, but why is that? I have a whole lotta questions and not enough answers right now...i dont think I ever made a point.. (or had one to begin with...just ranting. Now im sad and even more confused.....(screams...'DAMN LOVE') ..now let me go look in the mirror and cheer myself up!